On Grieving, Gratitude and Guilt (Part Three)

Julia Alberta Miller 25/1/1913-13/12/1967
This is my precious Mom who God only allowed me to have a very short time. I still miss her everyday but I am so grateful for God placing me in her arms that day when she looked down at all those cribs and said, "this is the ONE." Mother had my name picked out for ten years as she could not have children with dad and so Dolores Elaine Hancock-Thompson became Loretta Joan Miller. My mother was a fan of Loretta Young an early movie star.
"Mother, your Christian influence on my life continues to resonate to this day. I so look forward to seeing you one day in Heaven."
Mother would always just say thank-you when people would comment, "Judy, Loretta looks so much like you." Often these comments would come from people that never knew I was her "CHOSEN" daughter as she always referred to me as.******************************



The next phase has been referred to as a time of anger and questioning. During this time, the grieving person tends to turn inward, to go through a "what if" process. "What if I hadn't..?" or "What if I had?" One questions God, "Why did He alow this to happen?


It is during this time that hope begins to work its way into the grieving person's inner thoughts.


Believing Christians "do not mourn as those who have no hope." A God of love does not cause bad things to happen. Death, according to the Scriptures, was brought into the human family by sin, the work of Satan. God has conquered death, and through His Son Jesus Christ has provided for all people of faith to have eternal life in Heaven with Him.


A serious danger during this anger phase is the development of guilt on the part of the grieving person. We human beings are born with a "blame syndrome." And when we can not blame someone else, and sometimes even when we can, we blame ourselves. It's an extension of the "what if" game. First, we run through every possibly scenario as to how we could have prevented the death of our loved one. When we exhaust this avenue, we think of all the moments we could have been with them, done something for them, or other action we did not take while our loved one was with us.


When grief turns into guilt, the hedling process of grieving is short-circuited. We turn in on ourselves. Reality continues to be rejected. "What if's" become an energy-draining obsession.


No amount of consolation is enough to stop the deteriorattion. Guilt can become a major problem when death comes in an untimely way from a preventable disease, an avoidable accident, or suicide. "If onl I had.....keeps the grieving person locked in an inner spiral that often needs help to overcome.


The only real antidote to guilt is to find rest in the only One who can offer forgiveness and peace, who can remove the sense of guilt and replace it with gratitude for the gift God allowed us to enjoy, if ever so briefly.


Jesus promised, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and be do not be afraid. (John 14:27)


And, "If Jesus has set you free, you ARE free indeed."


....continued....

I had started this journal just after I heard about my on-line friend Dale Brewer's passing and I think for me I had to remind myself about grief. I hope that I will in no way cause anyone additional hurt by what has been written. It was a much needed theraputic exercise for myself.